


One Thousand Eyes and Yet You Cannot See

by Disappeter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester's Birthday, F/M, Fix-It, Inspired by Taylor Swift, M/M, Toddler Jack Kline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disappeter/pseuds/Disappeter
Summary: "You've been by my side eleven years, what's a lifetime more?"OrIt's Dean Winchester's 42nd birthday and Taylor Swift causes him to have a realization.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	One Thousand Eyes and Yet You Cannot See

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, all mistakes are my own but please point them out if you notice them! Inspiried by Taylor Swift and Dean's Birthday!

The thing was, it started as a joke. Dean was fighting with his cassette and several of his tapes had been unraveled in the crossfire. 

And it wasn't like Dean _couldn't_ change the radio station but the upbeat melody of the Top 50 station scratched an itch that Led Zepplin just couldn't. 

And so it started as a joke, Dean would learn the words to the most annoyingly upbeat pop song he could and blast it on the way to wherever their next hunt took them. Sure, Sam bitched and moaned but he knew better than to touch Dean's stereo. Especially after the iPod incident of '09. Taylor Swift, it was, even if that meant driving from Lebanon to Wichita with only 'Shake It Off' playing in the background. This continued long after Dean had fixed his tape player, but Sam didn't need to know that. And even if he found out, Jack seemed happier listening to Miss Swift than Dean's usual classic rock selection. Two against one.

So yes, it started as a joke. But then Dean's 42nd birthday came around.

They didn't usually celebrate, but Donna and Jody had insisted. It had been the worst year the Winchesters had yet to have, and anyone knowing the Winchesters knew what that meant. Anyways, Dean wasn't even sure when the last time they had celebrated any holiday was and he missed his family.

Not that Dean would admit it, but he liked a bit of fuss around his birthday. He never thought he'd make it past forty, Hell, he was only ten or so years away from outliving his old man. And dammit he wanted to. Not because it was a competition but because he had something to prove. He wanted a life beyond hunting. He wanted to hang up his fucking demon-killing knife one day and never touch it again. He wanted- well somethings he wanted Dean knew he just couldn't have. But in his head there was a plan for life that Dean wanted and dammit he wasn't ready to give up just yet. 

So, fine, Dean wanted a birthday party, sue him. 

He slept in on his birthday. It must have been noon by the time Miracle gave him a single deep "woof". Her way of telling him, "You have four minutes to take me outside or I will pee right here on your bed and feel absolutely no guilt about it". 

Dean groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"Alright little lady, give me a second". That seemed to settle her for the moment as Dean shuffled to his closet to pull out his slippers. Miracle whipped past him as he opened his bedroom door, most likely forgetting her potty needs in favor of begging Sam for whatever bits of his breakfast he had left for her.

Dean let out a sigh he hadn't realized he had been holding in. He had been so close to dying last year. His time had run out. They'd beaten God and Dean had felt invincible. He was fearless. He was an idiot.

They'd known what they were walking into. A nest of vampires was old news. He thought he could do it in his sleep. He had seen the nail when they entered the barn but his adrenaline had spiked so high that he'd forgotten to take note of it. _Idiot_. That was the first rule John had ever taught him. _Monsters are bastards but you'd be surprised how many hunters could have avoided dying just by checking their surroundings before they jump in._ That wasn't to say the elder Winchester wasn't the 'shoot first ask questions later' type they'd grown up with. But there was a reason John's downfall ended up in his own hands, not impaled on a rusty nail in some vamp nest, led by some bitch they hadn't seen in fifteen years.

It happened fast, Dean felt the nail slide in between his vertebrae. He knew he was done. He _knew._ And even if by some Winchester magic he didn't, he'd never been able to walk again. His spine was severed and he was bleeding out. 

"Dean!" It was in the tone of his voice. Sam knew it too. This was Dean's last ride. But that didn't mean Dean would let Sam watch.

"Go get the first aid kit, Sammy", he said, his voice was quiet but commanding. Sam didn't argue, how could he? Dean didn't want to die. 

Dean was shaken out of his memory by Eileen's hand on his shoulder. She raised her eyebrows.

"You ok?" She signed. Dean swallowed, tasting blood that wasn't there. He nodded. Eileen smiled softly, she could read every micro-movement of Dean's body language, a 'Deaf person thing' she had explained once. He never had to explain how he was feeling. She would ask, he would lie, she would know exactly how he felt anyway. The impossibility of lying to her was incredibly freeing. In just a few months' time, Eileen would officially be his sister-in-law and Dean was so _happy_ his heart felt like it would explode. 

"Happy birthday Dean", she signed. Right, he was here, in the bunker. His 42nd birthday. Forty-two years and still kicking. 

Dean shuffled after Eileen passed the laundry room towards the kitchen. But there he saw it. Right where he had left it what, three months ago? His jacket with the bloody fucking handprint on the left sleeve. Sam and Eileen hadn't dared to touch it and Dean had yet to bring himself to. If Eileen saw him stopping she didn't say anything. And then he was back in the barn, bleeding out in a broken body.

There was a lot Dean had to say. He didn't have much time and he needed to say it. He only had a few minutes until Sam came back. He only had a few minutes until he had to take that final step off the deep end, no tricks, no gimmicks. This was it. 

" _Cas._ " He said through gritted teeth and closed eyes. Blood caught in his throat. " _Cas, I know you can't hear me. I need-"_

His thought broke with the flutter of familiar wings. It was impossible, stupidly impossible. But he owed it to them both to open his eyes.

"Hello Dean"

Dean had woken up in his room at the bunker three days later and thinking he was dead. That was until he heard the grumbles at the end of his bed. There was a sight that Dean never expected to see. Castiel, Angel of the Lord, being bullied by the reincarnation of little orphan Annie's dog Sandy. Miracle was pushing her entire body into Castiel's lap, not once breaking eye contact. Hesitantly, Cas' hand hovered over Miracle's upturned belly, unsure if petting her was the proper move. 

"Looks like you made a friend, Cas". Castiel whipped around with such fervor Miracle let out a bark at the impromptu jostling, and left the room sulking. 

Cas stared at him. His eyes looked different than the last time Dean had seen them but then-

"You, Dean Winchester, are a terrible friend."

"Jeez Cas, I almost died-"

"I _did_ die, Dean". Dean choked. He remembered. Of course, he remembered. How could he not? His best friend being dragged into the Empty? After... no, Dean couldn't do that. Not here. Not right now.

"I'm sorry." And he was, he really was. Cas was right, he died for Dean to live. He broke his own heart, and what did Dean do? He nearly killed himself on a vampire hunt of all things. Christ, that's fucking _embarrassing_. 

"I know" Cas' eyes lost the hard glare giving way to something else, something soft and utterly foreign. He looked away from Dean, "I suppose I should thank you. Had you not almost died, I would still be in the Empty"

"What? What does that mean?" Cas let the smallest of smirks grace his face.

"It seems your last words, your last _prayer_ woke me up. And the Empty, simply put, told me to 'Get the hell out and if I ever _hear_ you or any of your friends ever again I will _eat the world_.' Which I don't believe It can do, but I prefer not to test that theory. So, let's stop dying, alright?" In the most unholy of moments, Dean realized his radio playing in the background. A Taylor Swift song was playing, one he hadn't yet heard, it was different than the others he'd heard. It was him and it was Cas.

_'Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire_   
_Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons_   
_One single thread of gold tied me to you'_

"Cas-"

"Dean."

"Dean!" Sam appeared in the doorway, tears in his eyes. There would be time to say the things he needed to. Cas would always come back to him. He knew it this time. Maybe he always did.

"Hiya Sammy"

Dean continued into the kitchen, passing a concerned-looking Eileen. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table looking up at Eileen and catching her with a smile. It was a beautiful thing they had. When all a person needs to do is exist for you to be happy, the amount of love that...

 _Happiness is in the being_. 

His breath was knocked out of his chest. 

"Mornin' Sam" Sam looked over to him from where he was making googly eyes with Eileen.

"Dean! Happy Birthday! Go get dressed, lunch is going to be ready soon and Jody, Donna, and the girls will be here getting here around two. Dean just nodded.

"Hey, uh- where's Cas?" Sam stared at him like it was odd he'd have to ask then answered.

"He's in Jack's room. I think daycare starts up again tomorrow". Ah yes. If Castiel coming back from the dead was not enough to knock Dean Winchester on his ass then a disgruntled Inias showing up at the bunker with Jack-the-toddler in tow definitely was. 

Apparently, Inias had come out of hiding to serve Jack, to find out Jack was nothing more than a magical toddler, useless to the whole of Heaven until he came of age. Unlike the other angels, Inias was more than certain that the best place for the child was with Castiel and the Winchesters on earth instead of in Heaven. 

"It makes sense," Sam had said, "The only reason he was in the body of a teenager when we met him was because of the looming celestial threats. Now all the archangels are dead, Amara is inside Jack, and Chuck, if not dead by now, is powerless. Maybe something inside him just wanted to be a kid."

So there they were, Eileen and Sam getting married in a few months, baby Jack toddling around stealing electricity from power outlets, and Cas and Dean being essentially joined at the hip. Dean was happy. He was letting himself be happy. There was no impending doom. He got his best friend back. He was essentially a father now... with said best friend. But that was complicated. And the rest of his family was coming to see him because he did it, he survived the year. And fuck, that was an accomplishment to end all accomplishments.

By the time Dean was out of the shower and dressed, Miracle had fallen back to sleep on Dean's bed. Dean was curious if Sam had let her out or if he would be stepping in a warm puddle later. 

"Hello, Dean" Dean looked up and grinned.

"Cas".

"Happy Birthday" Castiel set a small rectangle wrapped in green matte wrapping paper on Dean's desk. Dean raised his eyebrow.

"You know I wasn't expecting anything from you, Cas" Cas only nodded. 

"I know, but I saw this and it felt-. It felt like a good gift." Dean was about to say something about how Dean would love anything Cas could give him but was cut off by the sound of voices carried through the halls. His family was here.

As much as Dean loved seeing Jody and Donna and Claire and the other girls, he did not miss the jibes from Claire. Or the overwhelming mothering that came from Donna and Jody. And he especially did not miss the whispers between Alex, Patience, and Kaia everything he and Cas made any sort of physical contact, which yes, was frequent. Garth was just as bad when he showed up, his children off to play with little Jack. He knew if he and Cas got too close to Garth he would say something that would put their carefully constructed ease around each other at risk.

Dean loved his found family, he just didn't love their meddling. 

They did the usual, singing happy birthday, presents, blowing out candles. Dean had wished for something that wasn't fair for him to want, then repeated it in his head a hundred times before finally blowing out the candles. He was given hugs and kisses and well wishes and the voices in the study came down to a dull roar by 11 pm. Sam suggested they all watch a movie, Dean's choice. To which he of course chose the third 'Back to the Future' film because, "Come on, time travel _and cowboys_?".

Claire had made the lack of snack discovery first and Cas had jumped up from the conversation Bobby had trapped him in (about the most effective angel torture methods) and Dean couldn't blame him.

"Here Cas, there's a gas station a few miles down the road, I'll drive". Cas just nodded and went to grab his jacket from his room. And after checking with Jody that she would be alright with watching Jack while they were gone, Cas and Dean were off.

Dean knew something was off the moment they got into the Impala. Cas was fidgeting, tapping his fingers on the dash and spacing out so far that Dean wasn't sure if he could pull him back in. He tried to ignore it. He ignored it all the way to the gas station. They picked out armfuls of snacks in complete silence. But nothing had changed by the time that they had gotten back into the car and Dean was sick of it.

"Cas, knock it off, you're giving me the heebie-jeebies". Cas stopped tapping and looked over at Dean, tilting his head to the side in confusion. Dean sighed.

"What's up with you? I haven't even started driving yet". Cas looked down at his hands. 

"I'm just a bit nervous that you won't like your gift. I thought it made sense at the moment, but I think I've made a mistake". Dean looked at him.

"I'm sure I will like it, Cas". Cas reached into the pocket of his trench coat and pulled out the green rectangle from earlier and handed it to Dean. Dean felt his heart speed up, what could possibly be in this little green rectangle that could be causing Cas so much duress? 

Dean used his thumbnail to neatly slice open the tape on the paper and pull out the rectangle. 

It was a cassette tape with the words '1989: Deluxe Edition' written on it. It was a Taylor Swift cassette tape. Cas had endured months of listening to Taylor Swift on the radio with Dean and instead of being irritated or sarcastic or even sassy; Cas had bought him his very own copy of one of her albums.

"I thought you would like not having to listen to ads anymore," Cas said, "I hope I got a good one, the girl at the store-" And there it was. Cas had gone to a music store on his own, a fallen angel in a forty-year-old vessel, walked up to some teenager and asked for her favorite Taylor Swift _cassette._ Dean grinned.

"Let's pop this baby in and see what she's got", Dean said. They listened to the first few songs in silence. Dean recognized a few of the songs from the radio like 'Out of the Woods' and 'Shake it Off' and found himself deep in thought at 'All You Had To Do Was Stay'. He was sure those words had been traded between him and Cas silently for years. 

_Happiness is in the being._

Dean looked over at Cas and pulled out of the parking lot, they had almost listened to the whole album and their family was going to get worried, but Dean didn't dare check his phone. The song they were listening to faded out as a new one faded in.

_One look, dark room_   
_Men just for you_   
_Time moved too fast_   
_You played it back_   
_Buttons on a coat_   
_Light hearted joke_   
_No proof not much_   
_But you saw enough_

The lyrics of the song brought a movie into his head, he remembered the first time he saw Cas. How lightbulbs shattered and thunder cracked. The shadow of his wings spread out on the walls. In one moment Dean was convinced he had met a man powerful enough to bring the earth to its knees. By the end of that year, Dean noticed the change.

_Small talk, he drives_   
_Coffee at midnight, the light reflects_   
_The chain on your neck_   
_He says look up_   
_And your shoulders brush_   
_No proof, one touch_   
_You felt enough_

Dean feels trapped in heat, it's crawling up his body. He's blushing, Cas is looking at him. And in a way Dean is angry. So goddamn angry. 

_Happiness is in the being._

How? How could just _being_ be enough for him? Why? Dean can't just-

"Dean?"

_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_

Dean pulls the car over to the side of the road. His hands aching from how hard he was holding the steering wheel. He puts the car in park, ripping himself out of the driver's seat and over into the brush of the side of the road; the stereo still playing. Dean hears the passenger side door click open and slam close. Dean turns to face him. He's aware of how wild he must look to Cas. But what does it matter? There isn't a thing in existence that can take them away from each other. From their profound bond. Except maybe words left unspoken. 

Dean marches up to Cas, shaking with fury. And it's not with anger that Dean pushes Cas up against the side of the Impala, but something adjacent. Something passionate enough to have Cas looking at him with both curiosity and knowledge. They've done this a hundred times. Dean's hands wrapped in the collar of Cas's coat. Cas's hands grabbing Dean's shoulder. God, the number of unnecessary touches it took them to get here, breathing each other air. He needs to say it. 

"One thousand eyes", Dean whispers, staring into Cas's eyes waiting for understanding to pass through them, "One thousand eyes, and you still couldn't fucking see".

Cas looks even more confused.

"Dean-?"

_You are in love, true love_   
_You are in love_

"I love you, Cas. Have for a long time. I'm sorry I waited to say it until now.", Dean takes a stifled, shaky breath. "And I would really like to kiss you now".

Cas stares at him, eyes wide, but nods his head none-the-less. Dean slowly releases Cas's jacket and drags one hand up to the back of Cas's neck, the other moving to the side. Dean swallows, and first the first time in months he doesn't taste blood. He leans in, shaking, afraid that Cas will disappear from under his grasp. But he remembers, for now until forever, Cas will always come back to him. 

"Happy Birthday, Dean" Cas whispers as he moves to meet Dean's lips. It's a slow and soft and steady kiss. Castiel rebuilt his body from scratch. Every molecule, every freckle, every scar. And yet Dean can't help but pray that he is enough. Because Dean is forty-two now. They wasted eleven years getting to where they are now. He wants to hold on to it forever. And that, he decides, will be his gift to himself. On his birthday, he gets to ask forever instead of just wish for it.

He breaks the kiss, anger gone, replaced by the love he had hidden for so long.

"I wished for you, Cas. That night at the barn. When I blew out my forty-two candles. Every time I hear a Taylor Swift song. When I see bumblebees and watch old movies. I wish for you every day. I want you, now and forever. Until I'm old and wrinkly. And after too, after I die. I want to marry you, Cas."

And there's silence. Cas looks at Dean and Dean looks back at him. And fuck it, Dean continues,

"To make it clear: I love you. To make it explicit: I need you". Cas nods, slowly. His arms wrap around Dean's body. "And I mean, hey, you've been by my side for eleven years, what's a lifetime more?"

And Cas smiles. 

"Paradise."

_Morning, his place_   
_Burnt toast, Sunday_   
_You keep his shirt_   
_He keeps his word_   
_And for once you let go_   
_Of your fears and your ghosts_   
_One step, not much, but it said enough_   
_You kissed on sidewalks_   
_You fight and you talk_   
_One night he wakes, strange look on his face_   
_Pauses, then says, you're my best friend_   
_And you knew what it was, he is in love_

_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_

_So it goes_   
_You two are dancing in a snow globe, go round and round_   
_And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown_   
_You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars_   
_And why I've spent my whole life try to put it into words_

_'Cause you can hear in the silence_   
_You can feel it on the way home_   
_You can see it with the lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_   
_You're in love_

_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_   
_You're in love_

  
_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_   
_You're in love_

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics are to the song "You are in Love" by Taylor Swift. Thank you for reading! It's been a long time since I sat down and wrote a whole story. My tumblr is disappeter as well so feel free to come by and have a chat!


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